I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
