so that wasnt chicken after all
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
