Do vagina's smell?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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