the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
