I feel like I'm in dance class right now
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
try to milk me bitch
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