I just threw up on my dentist
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Who died my cat blue again?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
