I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
