Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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