i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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