ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
