My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
