Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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