Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
