I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
