Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I came so hard my ears popped.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
