So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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