He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
