I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
