My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm bleeding and have questions
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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