Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
