So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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