Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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