i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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