Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
