Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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