just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
