i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
