WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
