eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I think your dad took our porno
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
