He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
