This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize