I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
