If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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