in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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