Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
