I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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