We won't sleep together?
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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