i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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