Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize