watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
