last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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