So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
