i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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