I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
worst night to have a conscience
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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