Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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