Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
