I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
