You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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