1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
There are leaves in my underwear?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
