there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
