Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
