The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize