capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
