dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
