Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
