this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
