Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
