Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
