just come out here and I will go home with you...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
