Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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