Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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