If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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