Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
