And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
