I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
