Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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