We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
