I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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