id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
