My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You took a bar mat shot.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
