im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize