he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
