Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
