Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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