Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
