Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Is it penis luge time yet?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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