i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize