He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
