I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
