i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
