He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
