Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
