Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
