I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
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