did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Is Oprah even human
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize