i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize