apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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