cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
